Chapter Two

It had been three days since Spike had stormed out of Buffy's house – and seemingly out of her life – and she still had no idea of where he was. She had gotten a note saying, "Don't seek me out." and although the note had not been signed, she knew it was from him.

She felt like crying all day and all night long. Everything that had happened – it was the Angel slash Angelus deal, all over again.


"Here we go again…"

Buffy threw herself down by the toilet and threw up, letting everything she had just eaten out.

"Oh god…" she muttered, wiping the sweat drops off her forehead and washing her mouth with some water.

Head in her hands, she sat down on the toilet.

This was the fourth time in as many days that she was in the bathroom, throwing up like a sick child. She could not really understand it; the Slayer healing should handle any illness that might come over her. Besides, other than the throwing up she did not feel bad. Her body just felt different, for some reason. And her breasts were hurting a little.

Oh god.

Suddenly, she knew exactly what was wrong with her. Only, it could not be. No way. She had not… Not with anyone but Spike at least, and that was impossible, because he was a vampire, and Angel had told her that vampires could not father children – at least not the 'normal' way.

But inside, she knew.

She was pregnant.

"Will, I need you to do something for me."

Buffy had just run over to her best friend's dorm room, knocked on the door and by the time she was inside and sitting down, she felt like throwing up again.

"What is it, Buff?" Willow Rosenburg asked.

"I need you to do a spell," Buffy told her. "A locator spell. For Spike. I need to find him. You can do that, right, I mean that's what you do with your magic, isn't it? You've done it before," Buffy rambled nervously.

"Yeah, I can, b-but didn't he tell you not to look for him?" The redhead looked at the Slayer, wondering why it was so important to find the bleached vampire all of a sudden.

"Well I've never followed his orders. Besides, I really, really need to find him," she pleaded with her friend.

Willow looked indecisive for a moment but then she nodded. "I'll do it. You wait here, I'm just gonna go get some stuff."

Buffy had told Giles everything that had happened to Spike – everything but the part of where she had slept with him, that is. But even Giles had been dumbfounded as to why Spike had acted the way he had. The Scooby Gang had not been able to find anything, not even after hours of research, of neither the demons he had fought, nor on the way he had behaved.

"Okay, I've got everything."

Willow's words pulled Buffy out of her thoughts and alerted her on the fact that when the Wicca was ready to located Spike. Willow had begun chanting and straight in front of her, above the map of Sunnydale and the area around it, a blue light appeared. The small light swayed back and forth above the map as though it was having a hard time deciding. Finally, it stopped and Buffy gasped.

"Angel's mansion," she breathed. "But…"

"Why would he go there?" Willow inquired curiously. "What happened between the two of you?"

Buffy rose to her feet. "I'll tell you, I promise, but not right now. I really need to go."

"Um, okay. But… It will be all right, right?"

"I hope so. Bye, Will, and thanks!"

She ran out the door, almost crashing into Tara who was walking down the corridor.

"Hi Tara, bye Tara," Buffy yelled as she continued her sprint.

"What's with her?" Tara asked her girlfriend after entering the dorm and closing the door.

Willow shrugged. "Dunno."

"Spike!" she yelled, standing outside the mansion, trying to catch her breath after running all the way there.

She knocked carefully on the door, but got no answer. Finally, she opened the door, and walked inside.

"Spike?"

No answer.

She walked further into the mansion, through the halls and looking into the rooms, wondering where the vampire was. "Spike?"

"Uhh…" she heard from the dark corner furthest into the living room. There she saw him. Well, at least she saw his foot. She ran forward, landing herself on the ground next to him. He looked sick. His eyes had sunk in, and he had dark rings around them, the normally white skin looking gray. He looked as though he had lost weight. Which, of course, if she was right in her assumptions, was understandable.

"Schlayer?" he asked drunkenly.

"Spike? What the hell are you doing?"

"I don't know shu know," he replied, meeting her gaze with dazed eyed. "Can't drink it scheems… Dunno why… Doeshen't work…"

"Spike there is something seriously weird going on here." She picked up his hand and put two fingers on his wrist. She gasped as she felt what she had both feared and hoped would be there.

A pulse.

"Spike, let's go home to me." She took the drunken vampire's arm over her shoulder and supported his weight on her. He was weak, hardly able to stand, shaking as he tried to concentrate on balancing.

She got the drunken vampire up on his feet but he looked questioningly at her. "It's schunny outside, Schlayer… I'm allirgec…"

"You mean allergic. But if I'm right, then you shouldn't be."

"No, I don't want tchoo!"

"Spike."

"Fuck off!" He released himself from her grip and promptly fell down on the floor, landing hard.

Buffy was rapidly loosing her patience with the bleach blonde. "Spike, stand up, now," she demanded.

"Don't feel liche it, schlay'r," Spike replied, staying seated on the floor with one hand on his flask. "Thisch I can drink at leacht," he muttered to himself and brought the bottle to his mouth. Buffy was out of patience and kicked it out of his hands before he could drink.

"Hey!" Spike exclaimed, offended.

"Get your ass of the floor right now, dead boy, or I will hurt you," Buffy threatened in a low voice. When Spike still did not move, she tossed the dead weight of his body onto her shoulder and carried him to the door.

Tentatively, she opened the crypt-door and let some sun rays come inside. She held his hand out in it, and he flinched as he thought it would start smoking.

It did not.

She turned slowly to the vampire who was now a man. "Spike," she said. "I don't know how but… You're human."

She did not believe she got it through to him when she said it, because he started laughing and then he picked up another bottle from the pocket of his duster and began drinking until she took it away from him.

"I can't walk with you like this all the way from here and home," she told him. "So, you are going to sit nicely and quietly while I call Giles."

"Giles?"

She was on the phone, calling the one person who would know what to do. At least she hoped he would know.

"Do you have your car?" she asked.

"Of course," he replied, sounding confused. "Is there something wrong, Buffy?" her Watcher asked worriedly.

"No. Or yes. Well, not really. Uh, it's really confusing and you, um… I'm at the mansion. Could you, um, come and get me?"

"Oh, all right, well, I will be there as soon as I can."

"Yeah, hurry… Thanks."

They hung up and Buffy shot a worried glance over at the sleeping ex-vampire on the floor. She sighed and lifted him up and carried him to the couch in the living room, where she carefully set him down. Never mind the harsh voice she had used at him earlier – she was worried for him. He had suddenly gotten rid of his sun allergy, and he had told her that he could not feed, but what did that really mean? That he was human? Had he grown a soul, or was he just like before? He had acted normal, but, he had been drunk.

Was he really human? He had to be, after all, he was the father of the child she was carrying. So, think of him as the father of your children instead. Oh my god! He…

Unconsciously, she placed a hand on her belly, before sitting down on the floor, leaning uncomfortably on the table until Giles rang the doorbell of the mansion.

"Well, this is definitely…" Giles said, sinking down on the couch in the Summers' living room, next to the still sleeping Spike.

"I know. Odd. Weird. Really, really scary," Buffy said.

And I haven't even told you the little 'belly-part' she thought to herself. She was going to tell Spike first. He deserved to know. She only hoped that he would be happy about it, because it would not be a whole lot of fun to have to deal with a gone-away Spike too.

"I don't understand how this happened," Giles told her. "The only thing to do right now is to wait for him to, um, sober up, and then he will have to tell. Oh, and I'd have something for him to eat ready when he wakes up, because he is probably hungry."

Buffy nodded.

"I need to get back to the shop, Buffy. Will you be all right?"

"Um… I guess so. Wait till he's sober, give him food, I think I've got it."

He nodded and left a couple of minutes later. Buffy sat down to wait for her lover to wake.

"Buffy…?" Spike asked, his head clearing from the dreams he had had.

"Good morning. Or more like good afternoon."

"Slayer, what am I doing here?" he asked, sitting up slowly. It caused black dots to dance in front of his eyes and he leaned back on the soft couch.

"You okay? I got some food for you; you should eat."

"How… Why… How did you know I…"

"How did I know you can't drink blood anymore?" she asked, looking at him and holding out a sandwich. Tentatively, he took it and bit of a piece. Soon, he swallowed, and took another bite, faster and faster until Buffy took the sandwich away from him.

"Slow down," she said with a smile. "You'll get a tummy ache otherwise."

"I'm bleeding hungry!"

She smiled at his outburst, but then grew serious. "Spike, think of why," she said, giving the sandwich back to him. Taking another bite, he looked at her confused.

"You don't mean that…" His round eyes got even bigger.

"Yeah, I do. Spike, some way or another, you've become human."

This was probably the closest Spike ever got to fainting from shock. He fell back on the couch and was still for a couple of seconds, before he began to laugh.

She did not know what reaction she had been expecting, but this was not it. But there he was, laughing like crazy. She silently wondered if the alcohol really had worn off.

"Buffy, this is great news, isn't it?" he asked finally. "Right, love?"

"Spike, it's not all the news."

He sat up again, looking concerned at the tone over her voice.

"What more is there?"

"Well, there's a reason I came to see you today… There's a reason why I figured out you had to be human so fast…"

"Buffy, love, you're scaring me. Tell me what the hell is wrong!" It came out a little harsher than he had intended it to be, but he was getting worried from the face she was wearing, and from the way she was talking.

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"You heard. Spike, I'm pregnant."

"Have you… checked? Been to the doctor I mean?"

She shook her head. "No, I haven't. But I've been throwing up the last few days, and I feel all weird, and there is something inside of me that just told me…"

"Oh my god, Buffy."

He fell unusually quiet. She looked at him, tears forming in her eyes. "Spike, please say something," she whispered, the first tear making its way down her cheek. He did not like it. He was angry. She had disappointed him. He would leave her. Just like all the others, he would leave her. Just like Angel, just like Riley.

"Buffy, love, why are you crying? Don't cry… This is happy news."

She looked up at him, and had never seen his eyes so sincere.

"You mean that?" she whispered.

"Of course I do, pet. There are no news you could have given me which would have made me happier."

Giles had set up a research party as soon as he got back to the Magic Shop. He had called Tara and Willow, and they had come in once they were out of school, and Xander would be arriving when he was finished at work. Anya was the only one there not engrossed in the books – she stood behind the counter, helping a customer – when Buffy entered with Spike in tow.

Spike looked pale and sick still, the dark shadows beneath his eyes still apparent, but he was up and walking, a tired but happy smile on his face.

He kept his distance from Buffy. She had asked him to give her time to tell her friends, and he had reluctantly agreed.

"Hey guys," Buffy smiled and sat down by the table next to Willow.

"Hey Buffy," the other three greeted her. Spike stayed a couple of feet away, still not sure of how the Scoobies were reacting.

"Have you found anything?" Buffy asked and looked from Willow to Giles and Tara and then back to Willow.

"Not yet," Giles replied. "Of course, it wouldn't be that easy. If there was an easy, well-known cure for how to turn vampires human again, then I believe the vampire population of the world would be slightly smaller than it is at the moment."

Buffy nodded; she had figured as much as what Giles was telling her.

"Even Anya doesn't know anything," Willow said, "And she's been around for a while…"

"So, you're saying I turned human for no good reason?" Spike asked, casually strolling over to the table. "That I got what Peaches has been wanting for half is un-life? This is sodden ridicules," he muttered.

"Spike…" Buffy warned, annoyed with the bleached vampi- no, not vampire, she told herself. Man. Man. He was a man. Oh hell, she was just annoyed with him.

"We need to know more about what you've been doing these last few weeks. Any demons you've been fighting, special things you've done," Giles told him.

"Hasn't been much," Spike replied, nicely for once. "Some demons I killed the night before…"

Buffy shot him a warning look and he broke off. Spike sighed silently – he loved to annoy her, but telling her friends about their night together was not something he was about to do.

"Before what, Spike?"

"Oh, nothin'. I killed them, but they got a few hits."

Giles did not reply; he only looked thoughtful for a second, before going back to his books.

An hour later, Xander had joined them. He kept away from the former vampire, confused with the whole situation. He had made a few jokes, but Spike had been unusually tired and quiet, and although he had given Xander a few biting remarks, everyone had left him pretty much alone. Now he had gone into the training room without a word.

Buffy stood up a couple of minutes after he left, her hand brushing over her flat stomach. It was not something anyone would notice; Buffy hardly did so herself.

"I'm just gonna go check on him," she told her friends and left the room.

The door was closed to the training room. Buffy was expecting to hear punches and kicks being thrown, but it was eerily quiet. She opened the door and peeked inside. A smile crept onto her face.

Spike was lying on the couch, his duster on him as a blanket, and he was asleep.

Buffy made her way inside slowly. She still was not completely comfortable with the feelings she had discovered she had for him, but it was getting easier. She had not told him, because she did not feel ready just yet. She was still scared to death of everything. Heck, she was going to be a mom. If that was not scary, then she did not know what was. She had not expected it. She had never thought that she, a Slayer, would become pregnant. That it was with a former vampire somehow felt like a smaller detail in the whole deal, because everything was just so not-likely-to-happen.

She sat down next to him on the mats on the floor. Sitting like that, watching his peaceful face, she could not understand what it was she was scared of. She knew what she was scared of, but she could not understand it.

She was scared that he would leave her. Because everyone else she had loved had left her. Her father, Angel, Riley, even her mother. Okay, she admitted to herself, her mother had not gone by her own will, but she had still been ripped away from Buffy. Now she was scared that if she ever opened her heart up to Spike, he would leave. And she did not know if she would be able to deal with that.

He stirred and she was torn from her thoughts. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Hello love," he said with a small smile.

"Hey. Did I wake you up? I just came in here to see how you were doing and I found you sleeping and I sat down," she babbled nervously, suddenly wondering what she was doing in there.

"It's okay, pet."

It was strange to see him like this, so very tired and well, out of it. She wondered if he was sick. She had a feeling that he was. It would not be all that surprising; his heart had not been beating for a century, and was suddenly awoken again.

"We should go home and get you to bed. Don't really feel like carrying your deadweight out of here."

When he sat up, black dots danced before his eyes, but he did not tell her and she did not notice because she was getting up herself. He stood up on unsteady legs, and coughed as his chest hurt. She looked at him, concerned.

"You're not okay," she said and put her hand on his forehead before he could react. He winced as her eyes grew big and she exclaimed, "You've got a fever! Like, a way high fever!"

"Keep it down, Slayer," he growled. "I'm fine."

She took his hand and dragged him out of the training room, all the while saying, "You are so not fine. We are going home right now and you are going to bed."

"You're not my bloody mother, Slayer. Just leave it alone."

"Sorry, won't." She stopped in the short corridor that led them to the shop, and looked up at him. Her expression softened. "You're sick and that's not good. I really don't think it's anything serious, but your body isn't used to any of this. Please, Spike, just do this for me, okay?"

He looked down at her and shrugged. He knew he would not be able to say no to a pleading Slayer. He never could. Sighing, he followed her.

Meanwhile, in the shop, Xander was getting bored. "We're not getting anywhere with this," he sighed. "There has never been anything in here on how to turn vampires human, or we would have used it on Dead Boy."

"He's got a point," Willow agreed, looking pleadingly at Giles. She liked research but this was something they all knew would never lead to anything.

"Besides, the one we're researching isn't even here. What's up with that?" Xander asked.

Giles looked at the youngsters. "Fine," he said finally. "You're free to go. We'll just conclude that this is a mystery."

"Um, a thought," Willow said. "Anyone in favor of telling Angel?"

"That his favorite childe has turned human? Hm, might be fun…" Xander grinned.

"Be nice," Anya said, coming up behind him.

"I-I think the best thing might b-be to leave him out," Tara said quietly. "I mean, I don't know him or anything, but…"

"She's right," Willow chimed in. "Angel shouldn't have to know unless necessary."

"Okay, then we're agreed. This stays here," Giles said.

"What stays here?" Buffy asked, walking into the room with Spike close behind. A little too close, Giles noted with dismay, but he did not say anything.

"Oh, nothing," Xander said quickly. "Just some, um, book stuff."

"Yeah. Right," Willow agreed.

Buffy looked between both of her best friends, and they looked guilty, but she decided that it could wait. If it were important, she would find out.

"I'm going home," she said instead. "Spike too."

"Wait, he's – he's staying at your place?" Xander objected.

"Yeah, he is Xander." She wanted to tell him to deal with it, but that would be rude and she did not feel like being Bitch-Buffy today. "Look, he's not all that well, and I can't let him stay in his crypt so…"

She shot the father of her baby a look and saw that he looked worse than he had just minutes earlier in the training room. She was beginning to get scared for him.

"Spike?" she asked silently and he looked up at her. He did not say anything. "Let's go," she continued and he followed her lead to the door.

"You want me to take you home?" Giles asked, surprising himself. He had just noted a relationship between the Slayer – his Slayer – and the former vampire that was too close for his comfort and he was still offering them a ride? But, as Buffy had pointed out, Spike certainly did not look well.

"If you want to, that would be great," Buffy said, smiling at her Watcher.

Giles got up and looked at the remaining Scoobies. "Will you clean up?" he asked, pointing at the stacks of books on the table. Willow and Tara nodded, as did Anya and Xander although they were more reluctant.

Giles followed Buffy and Spike out to his car.

"You'll be all right with him?" Giles asked when he stopped in front of the Summer's house. Buffy and Giles both shot worried looks in the back, where Spike had fallen asleep once more.

"Yeah. As long as I get him inside." She got out of the car and opened his door. "Spike, wake up." She nudged his arm and he stirred awake. A couple of minutes later, they were inside.

"Dawn?" Buffy yelled into the house. Her sister had been staying at a friend's house over the weekend, thankfully, but should be home by now.

"Yes?" Dawn's figure appeared at the top of the stairs. "Oh my gosh, what's up with Spike?"

He was leaning on Buffy, trying to keep steady.

"He's sick, will you help him to the couch?"

"Don't you think a bed would be nicer?" Dawn asked, racing down the stairs to Spike's side.

"Yes, but they're all upstairs, so unless you want to carry him…" Buffy said with a small smile.

"Point taken." Dawn took over the heavy weight of Spike and steered him towards the couch, while Buffy took her shoes and jacket off.

"Thanks Nibblet," Buffy heard Spike mutter as she put a blanket over him.

"How can he be sick?" Dawn asked, walking over to Buffy again. "I thought vampires couldn't get sick."

"It's a really long story that we don't have time for right now. Can you get the thermometer from the first aid kit, I think he's got a fever."

Spike was already asleep on the sofa; she knew that. It worried her. Over the course of a few hours, Spike had become seriously ill. When they had left to go to the Magic Shop, he had been fine. An hour later, he had been sitting on a chair, looking tiredly as Xander gave his usual comic relief and only replying with smaller remarks. Another hour later, he had been sleeping in the training room, not even noticing Buffy entering. Now he was on her couch, turning back and forth, breaking into a sweat, as the fever seemed to get a stronger hold on him.

What if he was dying?

The thought suddenly hit her, and tears formed in her eyes. What if his body could not handle having to start living again? He had been dead for a century. Maybe that was why there were no records of any vampires turning human – it could not happen because their bodies could not handle it.

"Buffy? Why are you crying?" Dawn's voice reached through to her and Buffy looked up at her concerned looking little sister.

"It's… nothing…"

"So, you're just sitting here at Spike's side, crying for no good reason?"

"Go away."

Dawn was about to give a nasty reply, but stopped herself. She knew that if Buffy was worried to the point of crying for Spike, she had to have feelings for him. That was good. She sat down at her sister's side.

"Do you know why he's sick?" she asked.

"He-he is human," Buffy said slowly.

Dawn looked shocked. "Oh my gosh, but, how? When? I mean, how could this happen? Could it happen? I mean, has it ever happened before?" she rambled.

"We don't know," Buffy replied.

"But, I mean, you have to…"

"We don't know!" Buffy yelled, new tears falling down her cheeks. "We have no idea! It just happened, and now he's sick as hell and I don't know how to make it better…"

Dawn hugged her older sister and Buffy clang to her like a lifeline. "He'll be okay," Dawn soothed. "He'll just sleep and then he'll be fine tomorrow." She wanted to believe it herself, but seeing Spike's ashen colored face, she could not help but think that he looked more dead now than he ever had as a vampire.

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