Chapter Two

The graduation ceremony for the class of 1998 was more than a celebration of a class that had managed to get through Hogwarts’ educational program. It was also a celebration of life and victory for those on the light side and a tribute to all those who’d given their lives to make the world a better place. At the same time, it was a time for mourning those who had died; there had not yet been enough time to heal the spaces that those who died had left – it might never be enough time.

Percy sat on the stands, separated from his parents and his surviving siblings. He’d been separate from them since 1996, when they’d first told him of Voldemort’s rise. Percy hadn’t believed them; he’d chosen to believe the Minister, Fudge, instead. It had been a safer belief – if he’d trusted his family, it would have meant that the Wizarding World was facing another war and that couldn’t be possible, not so soon after the last one.

Thus, Percy had chosen Fudge’s side.

It hadn’t only been the impending war, Percy had to admit to himself, for if he was completely honest, he had known the truth in his parents’ and siblings’ stories. He would have trusted Harry as well.

Harry.

There was the other reason, perhaps the real reason, why Percy had not followed his parents. Hearing about Harry’s escapades in school and his frequent near-death experiences sent Percy into a horrified frenzy each and every time. His breath caught as others retold Harry’s adventures to him and he felt tears burning in his eyes as he read about the Triwizarding Tournament and its horrendous ending.

By Harry’s fifth year, Percy realised that there was no other way for him to survive Harry’s adventures than to completely cut himself off from him. To pretend that he didn’t care, even to himself. To finally accept that a childhood exclamation about marrying him was not something that he could possibly live his adult life after.

Besides, he’d heard about Harry’s flirtatious adventures as well. When he and Ron still wrote to each other, his younger brother had told him about Harry’s continued crush on Cho Chang. After he’d stopped communicating with his family, he was still able to get the latest gossip through The Daily Prophet. There were pictures of the young man Harry turned into and Percy had to throw away the newspaper to keep from being overwhelmed with emotion.

Applause brought Percy back to the present; Hermione Granger had just finished a speech. Judging by the standing ovations she received, Percy almost felt sorry about not listening. With a certain amount of bitterness, Percy remembered his own graduation; there had been no standing ovations for his speech.

“Now, we have only one more speaker.” McGonagall’s voice echoed across the fields around Hogwarts, magically enhanced. She looked worn, tired, the lines on her face far more prominent now than they had been a few years ago. “I give you all Harry Potter.”

This alone caused standing ovations as Harry shyly made his way onto the small stage. Percy couldn’t keep his eyes off him.

The boy he’d known had grown into a young man. He’d filled out, gotten taller, though he was still shorter than most of his male classmates. It didn’t seem to matter; he filled the stage with his presence and with a dazzling smile, he thanked the audience for the applause.

“I thank you all for coming here today,” Harry said. His voice seemed to go right through Percy, straight into his heart. Percy remembered a midnight talk years ago – it was the only time he’d truly allowed himself to be close to Harry. The words Harry was saying faded slowly until Percy only heard Harry’s gentle voice. It lulled him into calmness; a sense of wanting to curl up and sleep with Harry’s voice softly speaking to him filled him.

Then the air was filled with another round of seemingly never-ending roars of applause. Harry gave a blinding, wide grin to the ecstatic audience and the flashes from the press cameras just kept on going off. Percy just watched Harry. He knew that no picture, Wizarding or Muggle, could ever capture Harry and show him as he really was. Harry was special. The energy he emitted, the power and yet the humbleness, as though he still believed that he was ‘just another wizard’.

Flowers were strewn over the graduating class and families started running down to congratulate their graduate. Percy stayed back, watching as his parents, Ginny, Charlie and George went down to hug Ron and Harry. There was a stab in his heart as he watched George. His younger brother was calm and quiet, pulled back – nothing like the child Percy had known. Since Fred had died, George had apparently lost his will to live. Percy had found out about Bill’s and Fred’s deaths through his mother. A black owl had delivered the letter.

Regret had filled Percy as he’d read the note – no matter the distance he’d taken from his family, he didn’t want them dead. And yet now his oldest brother had been killed in a confrontation between the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters. Fred had lasted until the last battle; he’d died protecting Harry and George. They’d both died as heroes, but that didn’t matter much – they were still dead.

“Percy! You came!”

Percy looked up to see startling green eyes look at him. For a moment, Percy was speechless; Harry was even more beautiful close up.

'My princess.'

“Of course,” Percy said quietly, “I couldn’t miss your graduation, could I?”

Harry smiled gently at him. “Your parents want you to come over.”

Percy looked beyond Harry. A myriad of families with their graduates filled the field, yet Percy could still see the shock of red hair that was his family’s trademark. He couldn’t see their faces though; Charlie and Ron both stood with their backs to him and hid the others from view.

“Are you sure?” Percy asked.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t sure,” Harry said. He pulled at Percy. “Come on.”

Percy found himself dragged along towards his family. Nervousness settled in his stomach; what was he going to say to the family he hadn’t spoken to in years?

“Look who I found,” Harry said as they reached the group.

The words made Percy wonder if his family really wanted him to come over. His mother looked almost like she’d seen a ghost; her eyes widened and the colour drained from her face.

“Percy!” she gasped and threw her arms around Percy’s thin body.

Shocked by his mother’s show of affection, Percy stood dumbly. After a few moments, he relaxed into his mother’s embrace; it felt so good to be held once more.

When Molly pulled back, she was crying. “I didn’t think you’d come—”

“I wouldn’t miss this,” Percy said, his voice thick.

His siblings and father looked more apprehensive than his mother. Ron seemed downright angry and Percy could understand him – it was Ron’s day to shine and Percy stole the attention. It had been one of the reasons Percy had stayed away from his family during the ceremony.

Suddenly, a young blond man threw his arms around Harry. “We’ve graduated!” he cried happily, smiling widely. The man had grey eyes and a pointed chin and on his chest, was sewn the Slytherin crest.

Harry leaned in and kissed the other man, smiling widely the whole time.

Percy felt his heart sink to his boots. His mouth fell slightly open and he stared, wide-eyed, at Harry’s display of affection towards the man.

Continuing to smile, Harry turned to Percy. “Percy, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Draco Malfoy.”

Draco reached out his hand to take Percy’s hand. Percy had some vague recollection of the snotty brat that had been the topic of many discussions between Harry and Ron during the summers and during dinner at Hogwarts. This man seemed nothing like that young brat; neither did he look anything the elder Malfoy Percy had run into a few times in the beginning of his time at the Ministry. No, this young man was beautiful. And he was Harry’s—

“Boyfriend?” Percy repeated dumbly, taking Draco’s hand.

Harry nodded happily. “We’ve been together for six months,” he said.

Percy’s eyebrows rose as his heart continued to sink down through the earth. Harry had a boyfriend, a beautiful, rich, perfect boyfriend.

“Don’t tell me you have a problem with gays now,” Ron sneered at him, coming to stand next to Harry.

“Ron—” Harry started.

“No, don’t you see his face?” Ron asked, motioning at Percy. “He’s acting all superior and disgusted.”

“I’m not—” Percy protested but Ron cut him off.

“What are you doing here anyway?” he asked angrily. “You don’t belong in this family anymore. You’ve made it quite clear that the Ministry is what you care the most about, so why don’t you go and fuck with them instead of ruin mine and Harry’s graduation?”

The anger and the hatred in Ron’s voice made Percy take a step back. His eyes darted from his youngest brother to Harry, who was holding Draco’s hand. There was a crease of worry between Harry’s eyebrows. Draco didn’t seem to care about the sudden tension.

“I— congratulations to graduating, Harry,” Percy said. “And to you, Ron.”

He turned and disappeared into the crowd, humiliating tears burning in his eyes. He refused to let them fall.

Harry slapped Ron upside the head. “Did you have to do that, moron?”

“What? He was being an arse!” Ron said, throwing his hands into the air.

“He just wanted to congratulate us on graduating!” Harry said, speaking louder than before.

“He was being a homophobic idiot!” Ron said, also raising his voice.

“Yeah, I can see how his behaviour was far worse than when I told you about my being gay,” Harry said sarcastically.

Ron opened his mouth to retort, but discovered he didn’t have anything to say to that. He looked rather like a stranded fish, his mouth opening and closing again. After all, the memory of Ron’s horrified, disgusted reaction to the revelation of Harry’s sexuality was fresh in both their minds.

“All I wish is that you’d think before you speak,” Harry said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, well, Hermione has been trying to teach me that for years,” Ron said, looking rather sheepish. Then he added, sounding agitated once more, “But he shouldn’t have come here. This is our day and he’s not part of the family anymore.”

“Ron,” Harry said, “whether you want it or not, Percy is still family. We all had our reactions to the war – though you, me and Hermione didn’t have much time to reflect on it. Percy was hardly the only one who didn’t want to believe that Voldemort was back and honestly, I can very much understand it now.”

Ron nodded. Harry knew he didn’t exactly agree with what he’d said but he would try to understand it, at least. Now wasn’t the time to discuss it any further; Draco came back from speaking to Mrs. Weasley and started kissing Harry again, while Ron went to find Hermione on the people-filled field. The incident with Percy was forgotten, for the moment at least.

At home, far from able to forget the meeting with Harry and Ron, Percy sat on his bed. The room was dark, his drapes drawn so that the sun outside the window couldn’t light the room. An old teddy bear, which Percy had had since long before he could remember, was his only company. He held it close as he fought tears and sorrow.

Finally, he lost the battle and the tears fell down his cheeks, accompanied by pained hulking.

It wasn’t just tears over Harry; it was tears for his family, the one he’d lost. He hadn’t protected himself against feeling pain just because he’d distanced himself from his family; instead, he’d made himself even more vulnerable – because now, there was no one there to hold him and love him.

His mother’s arms had felt so good, so loving, so familiar. It was as though she had never stopped loving him, despite his behaviour – but she couldn’t possibly still love him after how he’d acted. He hadn’t even replied to the owls bearing the news of the deaths of his brothers. At the time, he’d told himself he didn’t care and that they only had themselves to blame for being killed. They could have done like him – worked for the Ministry, a safe distance from the war. They were stupid to risk their lives.

The tears burned their way down his cheeks and he tasted their salt when they reached his mouth. He had no right to mourn now; he’d been too selfish once and now he didn’t have anything left.

He’d never felt so alone.

He didn’t have any friends. He didn’t hang out with anyone after work – instead, he usually buried himself in work. He’d made it quite far within the Ministry, but no one knew how things would be now that the war was over. He might no longer be needed. Percy knew Harry had been offered a job somewhere at the top of the Ministry; from there, he could likely decide to have Percy fired with a moment’s notice.

Yet that wasn’t Harry. No, Harry was sweet and good all the way through – he had even seemed happy to see Percy at the ceremony. This made Percy cry even harder, because with the memory of Harry’s shining face came the face of Draco as well, unbidden, into his mind. The two of them holding each other and kissing.

How long had Harry known he was gay? While Percy still had any contact with them, all he ever heard about was Harry crushing on girls.

Regret filled him. He’d missed so much – and again, it wasn’t just with Harry, but with his whole family. He’d caught a glimpse of Ginny, who’d turned out as beautiful as Percy had always known she would. Ron had turned into a young man, taller than most and freckled like few – and obviously a temper that was not to be messed with.

He had to smile despite the tears as he thought of the family he no longer had. Then, in the end, he fell into an uneasy sleep, his cheeks still wet with tears.

Harry stared at his two best friends. They hadn’t been out of school for more than two months and yet there they were, telling him they were—

“Engaged?” he repeated dumbly, staring at the two.

“Oh come on, Harry,” said Hermione, rolling his eyes at him. “Don’t act so shocked.”

“But— when?” Harry stammered, choosing the first words to come to mind.

Ron shrugged. “Before the final battle,” he said, looking down at his shoes and then smiling at Hermione. “I wanted something to look forward to after it was all over, so I asked her to marry me. She didn’t really believe me, but said yes in the end.”

“I thought he was joking at first,” Hermione said, smiling.

“There I was – I’d never been more serious in my life – and she reacts as though I’m saying something funny,” Ron said.

Harry shook his head, still shell-shocked by the news. It wasn’t that it was really surprising – after all, the whole student body of Hogwarts had waited for the two to get together – but it was so soon. They weren’t even twenty yet and they were planning to get married?

Harry ran a hand through his hair. “Well, I suppose congratulations are in order?”

He hugged Hermione, who seemed rather ecstatic for someone who usually wasn’t very girly, and shook hands with Ron. The latter beamed like a sun.

“So— when are you going to get married?” Harry asked, knowing that if he asked, they would start talking and he wouldn’t have to engage much. As Hermione started replying that they hadn’t really thought about a date yet, Harry let his mind wander.

It wandered to Draco, who was currently travelling around the world. He’d wanted Harry to join, but feeling a need to let himself settle down for a while after the war, Harry had declined the invitation. He wasn’t sure their relationship would survive being away from each other for the six months Draco had decided to be out travelling – but Harry had a feeling that his life wasn’t so much up to him these days. It had been decided for so long by a destiny chosen for him by someone else that it seemed strange to him that he himself could chose how he would walk through life.

He looked up at his friends and wondered if he would ever be as happy as they seemed to be together. They shone together, with light and love and everything else sappy in their eyes as they looked at each other. Harry had a hard time seeing himself and Draco look at each other that way. They had fun together and they had great sex, but it wasn’t that One True Love.

He thought of Ginny. He’d never been quite sure of how to look at her – he’d grown up with her, yet when they grew older, there had been a mild attraction. They’d tried dating, but had both decided that in the end, it felt terribly wrong. They’d kissed, but it had never felt like Harry thought it was supposed to feel like.

His relationship with Draco had started by mistake. Harry had found Draco crying in the girl’s bathroom, which had led the hatred between them to become even worse. Harry wasn’t sure when or why it had happened, but at some point, when they’d been facing off together, alone in a hallway, they had ended up kissing instead. Their relationship had been purely physical to begin with, but slowly, bits and pieces of the walls around Draco’s heart had broken.

So many things had happened since they started seeing each other that Harry wasn’t sure he could keep it all straight.

So many people had died.

Harry felt his heart break, as he always did, when he thought of Bill and Fred’s deaths. They’d been far too young, as many others had been; they shouldn’t have died. And they were far from the only ones – more than half of Hogwarts’ students had been killed or injured in the battles and riots around the war. Death Eater attacks had become an everyday occurrence.

Harry nodded to what Hermione and Ron was telling him. He’d become quite adapt at pretending to listen in the last few years. Finally, Hermione decided they should leave him alone and they left. The apartment became quiet and Harry lay on the couch, watching the flames lick the wood in the fireplace. Images of people who’d died in the war played in the fire, allowing Harry little rest.

Harry started working at the Ministry. He had been offered a job as a high ranking official, but decided that he wanted to learn the work for real, so he got a job in the Wizengamot administration. He didn’t start quite as far down as most probably did and the people around him were more than helpful when it came to showing him around and taking care of everything from bringing him breakfast and tea, to keeping him updated on what was going on. He didn’t work full-time either, figuring that he could live off the money his birth parents – the Potters – had left him as well.

His apartment in the outskirts of London didn’t cost him so much as a penny – the Ministry had given it to him as a thank you for defeating the Dark Lord. Harry hadn’t wanted to accept it at first, because he felt that he was far from the only one who’d helped in the defeat, but in the end, his mum and dad had convinced him that he should accept it. Molly had loved it from the beginning and helped him decorate. It made him feel at home.

“Harry, do you mind running these down to the International office?” Harry’s boss, Andromeda, stuck her head into Harry’s office. “There aren’t any owls free.”

“Of course I don’t mind,” Harry said. He took the stack of papers and trotted down the steps towards the International Cooperations level, all the while looking through the stack of paper to see who it was for.

He stopped for a moment when he saw the name.

Percy Weasley.

Harry hadn’t known Percy still worked there. He’d have thought Percy would have climbed the ladder of success and work in the Minister’s office by now – but no, obviously not.

As all other parts of the Ministry, the International office was rather messy, with owls flying back and forth and witches and wizards coming and going. Some said hi to Harry while a few stopped and stared at him, not used to the war hero working amongst them, obviously. Harry hurried away from those who stared, feeling embarrassed.

Percy’s office wasn’t hard to find; it was the third office in the long row, with a small tag on the door with his name on it.

Harry knocked on the door.

Feeling more tired and worn than he’d ever felt in his life, Percy still dragged himself to work every single day. Yet unlike before the graduation, Percy now didn’t feel any joy in coming there. It wasn’t fun, there was no challenge that could keep him from thinking of his family and Harry.

He supposed that had he not been an avid avoidant of all sorts of alcohol, he would have been a drunk by now. He had thought about drowning his sorrows in liquor, but he hadn’t seen the point – and his sensible side had told him just how much worse he would feel afterwards.

Thus he sat through day after day at work, wondering if this was how his life was supposed to be, what it was supposed to look like. He hoped not, because he certainly wouldn’t make it through much longer if it was. He wondered what happiness was like because he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt it. He’d never been like everyone else, never felt joy at the same things. When everyone had laughed at the twins’ jokes, he’d only felt they were immature and meaningless and when they’d eaten dinners and everyone had told stories, he’d never shared anything because he hadn’t felt his tales were good enough. His parents only ever saw the his siblings anyway; he wasn’t noticed, save for when he did something exceptional.

So he’d tried his best at being exceptional. He’d been the best student he ever could be, he’d become both a Prefect and Head Boy. His parents had noticed him – but at the cost of him being ridiculed by his siblings and classmates.

Now there was no point. There was no one to see his promotion to second to the Head of the International office, no one to tell him that he’d done well. There was no one and nothing to spend the money he earned on, no one to hug and kiss at the end of a long day at work.

He was woken from his thoughts by a knock on the door.

“Come in,” he said, righting his glasses and hoping that he didn’t look to awful from the lack of sleeping.

The door opened and Percy’s mouth fell open.

“Hi Percy,” said Harry and stepped inside.

Percy’s room was rather dimly lit, Harry thought, and far messier than Harry had expected it to be considering what an organized student Percy had always been. Percy himself looked incredibly tired, dark circles beneath his eyes and he seemed too thin.

“Harry,” said Percy, sounding completely shocked.

Harry walked further into the room. “Yeah, hi. I have some papers for you.”

Percy stared at him as though he didn’t quite understand what he was saying. Immediately concerned, Harry took another step forward.

“You— you can put them over here,” Percy said, motioning at the desk.

“Are you all right?” Harry asked, putting the papers down.

Dazed, Percy managed a shrug. “I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

Harry lifted an eyebrow. “Last night? You look like you haven’t slept for a month, Percy. Did something happen?”

Looking away, Percy shook his head. “I— it’s nothing. Don’t worry about me. I just—”

He trailed off and Harry watched as Percy tried to find other things to look at than Harry. Finally, Harry spoke.

“They miss you, you know.”

Percy looked up, his eyes strangely empty. Harry had never seen Percy look quite like it, though he had seen the same look in others eyes, when the war was raging.

“Mum and dad. They want you to start talking to them again,” Harry continued as he sat down in the chair in front of Percy’s desk, when Percy didn’t seem able to speak. “Mum thought you’d come back when you came to graduation.”

“I just— wanted to congratulate you,” Percy said, his words stilted and his eyes on the ground.

“You broke her heart again,” Harry said, watching Percy carefully for any and all reactions. “You broke it the first time when you stopped talking to us.”

He saw the flinch that passed quickly over Percy’s face. He wondered how he was able to read Percy so easily – he’d never spent much time with Percy at all. He’d always kept to himself, while Harry played with Ron and Ginny most of the time.

The person sitting before Harry wasn’t the same Percy Harry had known, though. This was a broken version, a rag doll someone had played with one too many times. Worn and old, tired of the world and longing for a rest; Harry could see much of himself in Percy’s slumped body.

“You should come home,” Harry said.

“They don’t want me there. You heard Ron,” Percy said, the self-hatred in his voice obvious to Harry’s ears. He repeated, “They don’t want me there.”

“Ron was just being Ron,” Harry said. “He has a bad temper and has yet to learn how to control it.”

Percy looked up, his eyes suddenly wide. “I wasn’t being a homophobe about your— relationship with Draco, I swear,” he said, speaking quickly.

Surprised at the outburst, Harry said, “I didn’t really think you were.”

“I was just shocked that it was him. I’d only heard you speak badly of him before,” Percy said, his speech still quick.

Harry shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Ron got his knickers in a twist, not me.”

Percy nodded and looked away again. He didn’t seem to know what to say. An uneasy silence spread; Harry watched Percy twitch, his eyes flitting between Harry’s shoes and anywhere else in the room. He never looked Harry in the eye.

“They’re having dinner on Friday night as usual,” Harry said. “Why don’t you join us?”

“I don’t— They don’t—”

“They want you there,” Harry said. “I promise you, they want you there.”

He stood up and walked to the door. His hand on the door handle, he turned and looked at Percy again. “Our family has already lost two members. We really don’t need to lose another one.”

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