Chapter Three
Harry didn’t mention inviting Percy to anyone in the family. He figured there was no reason to get everyone worked up – whether in getting his mother’s hopes up or in making Ron angry for inviting him – since he was far from certain that Percy would actually show.
Instead, he sent an owl from his office with a short invitation for Percy to join him at his apartment before Apparating to the Burrow, so that Percy wouldn’t have to come alone. Just before he sent the note, he scribbled, ‘And get some sleep before Friday!’
He was trying to figure out how he felt about Percy. As he’d told Ron, Harry didn’t dislike Percy the way Ron did because he’d chosen to believe the Ministry’s tale that Voldemort wasn’t back. In retrospect, Harry wasn’t certain that, given the choice, he wouldn’t have done the same. It had been an easier truth to believe.
Still, he wasn’t sure he liked Percy. Despite growing up with him, Harry couldn’t see him as a brother, unlike all the other Weasley children. He’d barely talked to Percy at all; Percy had never joined when they played and hardly ever said anything, even when the whole family was sitting around the dinner table. He had never been an easy person to get close to, always keeping everyone, including his family, at an arm’s length. Harry didn’t know what kind of food Percy liked, or what made his blood boil with anger. He didn’t know if Percy had ever had a crush and he didn’t know what Percy’s favourite book was. He didn’t really know anything about him.
Friday came and Harry was at home, just getting dressed when the doorbell rang. Still buttoning his robes, he opened the door to find Percy.
“Uh,” said Percy, looking at Harry’s half-dressed state. “Am I early?”
He looked as impeccable as Harry remembered him in school; his dark robes buttoned all the way up, his hair neat and tidy unlike Harry’s own. There were still circles beneath his eyes, but Percy had obviously made an effort to look nice for his family.
“No, no, I’m just running late as usual. Come in,” Harry said, opening the door wider to let Percy inside.
Percy’s eyes flitted from Harry’s body to take in the apartment. Harry wasn’t a tidy person and his apartment looked accordingly. He’d tried to clean up the worst, but it still looked rather more like organized chaos.
“Want something to drink?” Harry asked, buttoning the last of his robes and closing the door behind Percy.
“N-no, I’m fine, thanks,” Percy said. “It’s a nice place you’ve got here.”
Harry shrugged. “It works.”
He wondered when Percy had started stammering. Was he nervous? It was likely, considering he was about to come unannounced to dinner with a family he hadn’t spoken to in years.
“Sit down,” Harry suggested. “I’ll be done in a minute.”
Percy did as he was told; he sat on the couch, his back straight and shoulders tense. His eyes flitted nervously around the room and he swallowed every now and then. Anxiety was clearly written on his forehead.
When Harry had run a brush through his hair and chosen a pair of shoes from his wardrobe, he returned to the living room and sat down on the couch. He looked at Percy, who wouldn’t look at Harry but stared at the fireplace.
“They’ll be glad to see you,” Harry said after a few moments of silence.
Finally, Percy looked at him. “How can you be so sure? I haven’t spoken to them in years.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Harry said. “Mum never stopped loving you.”
He tried his best to look earnest; the words he told Percy were true. Percy’s eyes were still filled with doubt and yet again, Harry wondered how he was able to read Percy so easily.
Silence spread.
Percy felt his heart beat wildly in his chest. The honest look in Harry’s
eyes, combined with the earlier glimpse of Harry’s well-muscled
body and the fact that he was soon to meet the family he’d distanced
himself from for years, made pearls of sweat run down Percy’s back.
He was overwhelmed by feelings, feelings of inadequacy standing next to
Harry, yet passion for the man he’d become and nervous anxiousness
about the coming meeting.
His mouth was dry and he was unable to form words. He wanted to tell Harry everything, all that he’d felt in the last few years and every reason behind every stupid decision he’d made. He wanted to tell Harry that he loved him – loved him in a way that was not how brothers loved one another.
Yet he stayed silent, almost afraid to breathe, while the feelings inside warred.
Harry stood up. He wasn’t quite as tall as Percy, but more well-muscled, obviously – Percy had seen a bit of that.
“We should go,” Harry said. “Are you ready?”
Licking his lips, Percy nodded and stood shakily. He stood quite close to Harry; he could smell Harry’s aftershave.
Harry placed a hand on Percy’s shoulder. “Relax,” he said. “It’ll be fine.”
Wondering if he looked as distraught as he felt, Percy only managed a nod.
“Maybe we should go by Floo instead,” Harry pondered. “It doesn’t seem safe for you to Apparate if you’re that nervous.”
“I— I’m all right,” Percy said, “I’ll manage.”
Harry looked doubtful. “If you say so. I don’t want you splinched – mum wouldn’t like that.”
“I’ll be fine,” Percy said, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm his frayed nerves.
A moment later, the pair Apparated from Harry’s apartment. They landed in the garden outside the Burrow. Percy swallowed, looking at the crooked house where warm light spilled from the windows. It looked every bit as he remembered it, though perhaps a bit older. He wondered what he’d thought when he’d Apparated out of the house for the last time, mere weeks after moving out. He wondered what he would have felt, had he known that he wouldn’t return for years.
He felt Harry’s hand on his shoulder. “You all right?”
Percy closed his eyes briefly before nodding. “Just a— a tad bit nervous, I suppose,” he said.
The hand on his shoulder didn’t leave. “I understand.”
The hand dropped and they stood in silence. Harry’s eyes were on the house, Percy noted, but he didn’t seem to be actually looking at it. He seemed far away, lost in his own thoughts.
It could have been hours, but was likely mere minutes, when Harry shook himself out of his reverie and pulled Percy along down the small path to the kitchen door.
Percy’s heart beat wildly in his chest.
“—and then McBey turns around and asks, ‘what hat?’”
The occupants around the table roared with laughter and Ron, who’d been telling the story, took another swig of his drink. Mrs. Weasley smiled fondly at her children. Ron, sitting close to Hermione, their fingers interlaced. Ginny on her boyfriend’s lap, looking happier than Mrs. Weasley had seen her in months. Even George was smiling a bit; it warmed his mother’s heart to see, though her heart ached as it always did when she thought of the two sons she’d lost.
Feeling she was about to tear up, she carried a set of trays out into the kitchen. She didn’t want to spoil the good mood of her children; they deserved smiles and laughs. She wished her husband would come home so that she could share her feelings as she always did.
She heard the door opened and turned around.
“Harry!” she said, smiling. “You made it.”
Harry smiled back. “Hi mum.” Then he paused. “I— uh, I brought— someone.”
He moved into the kitchen and Mrs. Weasley’s eyes opened wide. “Percy!”
The trays long forgotten, she ran to him. He was taller than her but it didn’t matter; he was still her little boy. She was barely aware of crying, only holding onto him tightly, asking questions of how he was and repeating how happy she was to have him there.
Others piled into the room; they’d heard their mother’s happy cry. The group of younger Weasleys stood staring in the doorway to the kitchen.
Finally Charlie, who’d made it to his parents’ weekly dinner for once, walked over to give his younger brother a hug. Mrs. Weasley stood back watching the two, tears still falling down her cheeks.
Her son – he’d come home at last.
Harry allowed himself to smile when Charlie came to Percy and hugged him,
whilst telling him that he needed a good beating for leaving the family
for so long. Ginny followed her oldest brother’s lead and came to
Percy next, leaving Dean behind.
One by one they all welcomed Percy back into the family. Ron and George were the last ones; Ron seemed conflicted on whether he was angry or happy while George just looked sad. Harry knew what George was thinking; he’d talked to George about it. He knew how much George wished that it could have been his twin that walked through the door instead.
In the middle of it all Mr. Weasley arrived home. His mouth fell open at the sight of Percy and he took him in his arms, appearing to be in shock.
Harry watched Percy who seemed overwhelmed by the welcome his family was giving him. Tears were shining in his eyes, though Harry doubted Percy would allow them to fall.
In the end they sat down for dinner.
It was a quiet affair; no one was quite certain of how to act. Mrs. Weasley fussed over Percy and told him to eat more, that he was too skinny. Harry saw Ron eyeing Percy warily as though Percy would suddenly pull his wand out and curse the family or some such. There had been no hugs when Ron said hello to his brother again. Harry wasn’t surprised; Ron was no less stubborn now than when Harry first became part of the family.
When dinner ended, Harry and Percy both helped Mrs. Weasley with the dishes. Percy seemed thankful for having something to do; an excuse not to have to interact with the family. When the two were left alone in the kitchen for a moment, Harry told Percy he was doing fine.
“I feel— I feel like an outsider. Like I don’t belong here,” Percy said, looking away from Harry.
“It’s to be expected,” Harry said. “But you’re doing fine.”
Then Mrs. Weasley was back, continuing to fuss over Percy as though he was five again. In the end Harry and Percy said their good byes.
“Tell the others it was— nice seeing them,” Percy said hesitantly.
Mrs. Weasley smiled tearfully and hugged Percy. “It’s so wonderful to have you back.”
Percy patted his mother awkwardly on the back, though he looked like he was still enjoying the hug. “It was lovely to see you to, mum.”
A few minutes later, Harry and Percy were walking away from the Burrow. They stopped and turned to look at the home where they had both grown up.
“Thank you for taking me back here,” Percy said, his voice heavy with held back emotions.
Harry shrugged lightly, a small smile on his lips. “I’m glad you came. It was nice to see mum smile again. She doesn’t do that much these days.”
They stood in silence. Harry noted that Percy still seemed rather fidgety but he didn’t comment. In the end they Apparated away, each to their own apartment.
One year later
Percy’s desk was neat and tidy. Each parchment had been sorted and marked so that he would know exactly where he was supposed to start when he came back after the weekend. He put his quill away in the top drawer – it had already been sharpened, ready for use. Finally he stood, picked up his bag and walked out the room, locking the door with a spell.
If one were to compare the man who’d just left his office with the same man a year ago, one would likely come to the conclusion that it couldn’t possibly be the same man. The one a year ago had had badly kept and rather long hair, dark circles beneath his eyes, bad posture and clothest that fit even worse. This man was the complete opposite; his red hair was well-kept, only a few inches long, his eyes were clear and alert, his back was straight, and his robes were impeccable.
On top of that, this man tended to smile far more often.
Percy arrived home, smiling at the thought of how much better his life had become in just a single year.
The apartment was already filled with the delicious smell of dinner; his partner was a great cook. It fitted Percy very well considering how he didn’t like cooking at all.
“I thought I heard you come in.”
Ames O’Keefe stuck his head out of the kitchen. His dark hair fell softly into his eyes and he flashed a row of white teeth at the sight of Percy.
“Something smells fabulous,” Percy said, walking up to Ames. Ames wrapped his arms around Percy and kissed him soundly.
“Yes,” Ames said, “you.”
Percy chuckled. “Nah, don’t think so. I actually think I need a shower.”
Ames shrugged. “There’ll be a few minutes until dinner is finished so you can take a quick one.”
“I think I just might do that,” Percy said. Ames smiled and gave Percy another kiss before returning to the kitchen.
Percy went to the bedroom and chose another set of more comfortable clothes to wear for dinner. In the bathroom he undressed and turned on the water, allowing it to soak him and warm him.
Ames O’Keefe.
A wizard originally from Ireland, who worked at the Ministry in one of the International Office’s subdivisions. They’d met by accident – literally. Percy, deep in thought, had walked straight into Ames who’d been carrying a stack of parchment so tall that he couldn’t see at all. Percy hadn’t noticed Ames anymore than he noticed anyone else in the office at the time but Ames had noticed him and the very next day, Ames had ‘had an errand’ that just happened to take him to Percy.
Percy had been completely bewildered by the attention Ames was giving him and had said no to the dinners Ames kept asking him to go on just out of habit.
In the end Ames had won – they’d gone on their date and one had turned into more. Obviously.
Lathering his hair up with shampoo, Percy sighed softly.
Ames was head over heels in love with Percy. Percy could see it in his eyes, in the way Ames worshipped everything he did. Percy doubted there was anything Ames wouldn’t do for him. He’d guided Percy through his first hesitant tries at sex; he’d taught Percy how to please both himself and Ames. And outside the bedroom Ames did things like today – made dinner for the two of them, cleaned the apartment while Percy was working late nights or left little notes here and there for Percy to find and smile at.
Yet the fire was missing. The passion Percy had always felt for Harry, even when both Harry and Percy was far too young to understand it – the passion Percy imagined was supposed to exist in relationships between lovers.
‘My princess.’
‘That’s the girl I’m going to marry.’
The words echoed in his mind, distant memories of years ago. He could still hear Fred and George’s laughter following his statement and he could still remember all the ridicule he’d had to live through. Yet no matter how young he’d been or how silly the words had been and no matter how funny they’d been to his siblings’ ears, they had still been true. In his heart, Harry was still the only one.
He’d never told Harry. Over the year since he’d started speaking to his family again, Percy had started seeing more of Harry again – sometimes he would come to Percy’s office and chat and every now and then Harry would even visit Percy at his apartment. They were becoming friends again. It felt bittersweet, Percy thought, because in a way it was dangling what he could never have right in front of his eyes. Harry would never see him as anything but an adopted brother, a friend. Harry was with Draco and Percy couldn’t very well tell Harry that he had chosen the wrong man.
Instead, Percy had settled for Ames. They had a nice, loving and safe relationship, which assured Percy that he wouldn’t have to be alone for all time just because he could never tell Harry. Ames loved him and they had fun together. They could talk for hours and the sex was pleasurable.
“Ready soon?” Ames’ voice came through the door to the bathroom.
“Yes,” Percy answered, banishing the thoughts of his relationship with Ames being anything but perfect. “I’ll be out in a moment.”
Yet as he looked in the steam fogged mirror, he wondered: is this my life?
The clock standing on the bedside table read two thirty in the morning when Percy was awoken by rapid knocks on the front door. Blinking and attempting to clear his head, he slipped on his slippers and walked out of the bedroom quietly, trying not to wake Ames.
Peering through the hole in the door, Percy was surprised to see Harry on the other side. He opened the door and stared at Harry. Harry’s hair was on end and he looked distraught.
“Harry? What are you doing here? What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, letting Harry inside.
Harry looked uncertain and sad. “I just— I just needed a friend.”
He slumped down on the couch and wrung his hands. Percy sat down in the armchair, worried about Harry – why would he show up at Percy’s in the middle of the night?
He got his answer immediately. “Draco and I broke up.”
The world seemed to come to a halt. Harry and Draco, who’d seemed so close and so perfect together – they had broken up? Percy’s mind instantly filled with questions such as how and why but he didn’t voice them. Harry didn’t seem to need being bombarded by questions; he needed a friend just to talk to. Perhaps to tell what had happened but not necessarily.
“I’m sorry, Harry,” Percy said finally when he’d gathered his wits.
“Don’t be,” Harry said, suddenly sounding rueful. “We’ve just been fighting for months. It’s a miracle it worked this long.”
“Fighting? Why haven’t you said anything?” Percy asked, though he knew the answer.
“I didn’t want you to know. None of you. I didn’t tell Hermione or Ron either. Everyone kept telling me that Draco was such a good match for me and I— I suppose I didn’t want to disappoint you guys,” Harry said. “I wanted it to work – I love Draco.”
“As a lover or as a friend?” Percy asked before he could stop himself.
Harry looked up, really meeting Percy’s eye for the first time since he’d arrived. “I— I don’t know.” He hesitated. “I don’t think our relationship was based on love to begin with; it was just the fire from all the fighting we’d done for six years and then— well, it’s a thin line between love and hate, I suppose.”
When Harry fell silent, they heard Ames shuffling around in the bed. Harry’s eyes widened. He stood up and said, “Oh, is Ames here? Of course he is – I shouldn’t have come here, disturbing you like this. I should go – you don’t need to listen to my problems.”
Percy stood just as quickly as Harry. He placed his hands on Harry’s shoulders before he had time to think; it felt natural. “Sit down, Harry. You’re not disturbing at all.”
Hesitantly, Harry sat down again. Percy quickly placed a silencing charm around the bedroom so that Ames wouldn’t be bothered by Percy’s conversation with Harry. In the back of his mind, a little voice said to him, ‘and so that Ames won’t bother your conversation with Harry’ – but Percy ignored the voice poignantly.
Percy conjured some tea from the kitchen and when Harry had a cup in his hands, Percy sat back down again. He sat on the couch this time, just a few feet away from Harry.
“Now, tell me what happened tonight with Draco.”
Harry shrugged. “We were just fighting, like we’ve been doing the last few months. I don’t even remember how it started – just that we were suddenly shouting at each other. In the end, he yelled, ‘If all we do is fight, maybe we shouldn’t be together’ – and I said, ‘No, you’re right’.” He sighed softly. “And that was it. I just ended it right there. Two years together, ended just like that.
“I didn’t want to go home,” Harry continued. “It would just remind me of everything we’ve had together and it might make me go back and say that we should be together again. I don’t want to do that – we’d just be fighting within a week again – probably within a day. I didn’t know where to go, though; I didn’t want to go to Hermione and Ron, and mum and dad wouldn’t get it anyway.”
He trailed off and looked at Percy, his eyes sad. Percy didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more beautiful.
“My door is always open for you, Harry,” he said sincerely.
“Even at two thirty in the morning?” Harry asked, a small and sad smile on his lips.
“Yes, even at two thirty in the morning,” Percy said.
“You were up late last night.” Ames poured Percy a cup of tea.
“Thanks,” Percy said, taking the cup. “Yes, Harry came by. He was upset – he and Draco broke up. He needed someone to talk to.”
Ames smiled. “Of course. Why did they break up? They seemed good together.”
Percy shrugged. “Apparently, they’d been fighting quite a bit, though they’ve kept it from everyone else.”
Ames nodded slowly and sipped his own tea. “But Harry’s all right?”
Percy looked at Ames, who seemed honest in his question. There was no jealousy; Ames had never shown any signs of being jealous of Harry or anyone else. Instead, Ames seemed to believe anything Percy did was right.
“Yes, I think so. He just needed a friend,” Percy said. He looked down, pretending to read the paper so that Ames wouldn’t be able to see how pleased Percy was with the fact that Harry had come to him instead of to Ron. It showed a level of trust that Percy hadn’t dared to hope for between the two – and it was something that would hurt Ames to see so he hid it. He was talented at hiding his thoughts and feelings; he’d done it since he was seven years old.
The days passed and turned into weeks. Autumn came to London and wrapped the city in a grey, wet glove but Percy found that he didn’t mind so much. Ever since Harry and Draco had broken up, Harry had started coming to visit Percy more often. Harry and Ames got along just fine and every now and then, Harry stayed for dinner. Percy tried to keep the visits where Ames was present to a minimum, though; he found himself giving far too much attention to Harry and forgetting all about Ames.
The small hope he’d once had that he’d be able to fall out of love with Harry had long since been extinguished. The more time Percy spent with Harry, the more he could feel the love and adoration taking over his heart. He wasn’t blinded by it; he saw Harry’s faults and weaknesses, but it didn’t matter. He loved all of Harry.
“How on Earth do you ever get anything done? Every time I come by, you’re daydreaming.”
Percy looked up into sparkling green eyes and his heart skipped a beat as it always did when Harry came by.
“I’m not daydreaming,” Percy said. “I’m thinking.”
Harry chuckled. “Yeah, right. About non-work-related things.”
Percy smiled slightly. “Maybe. What brings you here?”
“I thought I’d see if you’re free for lunch,” Harry said, shrugging lightly. “There’s this new Chinese restaurant just a block away that I thought needed checking out.”
Percy looked at the clock on the wall and was surprised to find it was already on ‘time to eat’. Contrary to Harry’s belief, he had been working hard for hours – he’d even arrived to work early. He didn’t have the same need to eat as Harry did but he would never say no to spending time with him.
“Sure,” Percy said. “Let me just get my umbrella – I hear it’s raining?”
Harry nodded and muttered, “Someone forgot to turn off the water up there again.”
Percy chuckled and his heart constricted as it tended to do whenever Harry made faces or just simply existed.
They made their way out of the Ministry and walked to the Chinese restaurant Harry had spoken about. For a moment, Percy allowed himself to imagine that he and Harry were together and that at any moment, Harry would take Percy’s hand in his. He imagined that Harry was the one who waited in bed when Percy came home late from the Ministry; imagined that Percy was the one who was allowed to taste those lips, no one else.
It was a dream that would never happen. It was impossible; Harry was not for him and had never been. He was supposed to look upon Harry with brotherly love, nothing else. He was supposed to love Ames the way Ames loved Percy. Ames deserved a devoted boyfriend and lover – and Percy deserved to be able to focus on Ames. Perhaps, if he didn’t see Harry so much, he’d be able to find the love for Ames.
Perhaps, if Harry no longer existed in Percy’s life, Percy would have the peace he needed to love another.
The lunch suddenly felt bittersweet. He and Harry laughed and talked, their lunch much longer than it should have been but neither caring. In his heart, Percy knew what it was; a long awaited good bye.
So in the end, when they’d paid their bill and were going in separate directions – Harry to a meeting and Percy back to the Ministry – Percy allowed himself a final show of affection towards Harry.
“Good bye, Harry,” he said, “and thanks for lunch.”
Harry smiled. “We’ll have to do this again, soon.”
Percy nodded. Then he leaned forward and hugged Harry. He felt Harry freeze for a moment and knew he was doing the right thing; Harry didn’t want to be touched by him. Still, he lingered; he breathed in, smelling Harry’s unique scent and storing it away in his mind along with all the other things he knew about Harry.
'That’s the girl I’m going to marry.'
'My princess.'
Then he pulled back, gave Harry a half-smile and turned away.
Though his heart was breaking, he knew it was the right thing to do. It was the only way he’d ever be free.
Chapters